


Too Far Gone

by deanslashcas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, future!verse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2016-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-06 21:20:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanslashcas/pseuds/deanslashcas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's not sure when he actually fell for the fallen angel, Castiel, but now that he's realized it he can't stop thinking about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I actually have a plan for this one. Stick around for some more chapters if you will. The M rating is coming, I promise. ;) You won't see it in chapter 1 and 2... but 3.. yep.

Dean wishes he knew the exact moment he realized he was in love with Castiel. Thinking about it now he realizes he probably always has been. But that was a hard call to make, because now that he knew, it was hard not to imagine a time when he wasn’t. He paced the floor of his cabin anxiously.

 _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ He repeated over and over. And, _Stupid goddamn Winchester. How could you let this happen?_

Dean knew it didn’t work like that, but he made a habit of blaming himself for shit he wasn’t in control of his whole life. Why stop now? When he was unable to take the confinement of the small cabin any longer, Dean stepped outside.

“Dean!” Chuck called out at him. “Hey! You missed the meeting last night. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t feeling well so I turned in early,” he lied. Really, he had started freaking out about his discovery sometime after dinner yesterday. He doesn’t remember what happened, what magic word had come out and decided to change his entire life and feelings for the once-angel. But it hit him hard like a ton of bricks. He immediately retreated from the dining hall and tried to push the thoughts of Cas out of his mind.

Of course heading to the meeting wasn’t an option after that either. Cas would be right there sitting across from him as always. The thought had caused Dean’s heart rate to quicken and cheeks to turn red. He needed time. So he gave himself one night. When an entire camp of twitchy trauma survivors is looking up at you, hanging on your every word for you to tell them their next move, well.. one night was too much. But he believed they could fare without him. For the sake of him not losing his mind as he sat down and tried to concentrate on business with Castiel right fucking there with those blue eyes looking at him and.. yeah. They would have to do it without him, he had decided.

“I hope it’s nothing going around.” Chuck stated with a worried expression, his eyes darting around camp as if looking for a plague. The last time a bug went around camp Chuck seemed to have caught the worst of it. His small frame was bent over the toilet for days and anytime he wasn’t throwing up he was in bed, to exhausted too move and too achy to sleep.

“No, I’m feeling better actually.”

“Good to hear, man” he said looking relieved. “Hey can you look over these notes from the meeting? I was headed up to get some breakfast, I can run it all by you really quick. Wanna join me?”

“Sure.” Dean answered. Right before he turned to follow he caught sight of Castiel. “I’ll.. I’ll be right there,” he stated hoping Chuck hadn't heard the way his voice creaked like he was struggling to get the words out.

Chuck shrugged, “Sure, I’ll save you a seat, okay?” Dean watched Chuck take off down the path and when he no longer heard footsteps he looked back up. Castiel was standing at the front of his cabin. He was wearing the same thing he always wore when they weren't out hunting and killing things. A light blue loose fitting long sleeved shirt and equally loose fitting green pants he had picked up somewhere and fell in love with. The same hippie clothes he wore everyday. But today... Dean bit his lip.

 _Fuck. You've got it bad, Winchester,_ he thought to himself.

Realizing that he was openly gaping at his friend, Dean ruffled through the papers Chuck had given him as if to organize and understand them while he secretly peered passed them at Cas. He was doing some sort of morning stretching that was both ridiculous and cute.

 _Cute!?_ Dean almost groaned out loud at the thought. Even so, he continued watching and the corners of his mouth lifted as he watched Cas do lunges, followed by tree pose, followed by -

Castiel turned around as if to go back inside, but instead he opened the door and out walked a girl… two girls… three girls who were all giggling. The three of them had on ruffled clothes and their hair was slightly messed up from sleep or sex, probably both, and their eyes half asleep and half dazed from whatever drug that had tried the night before. Castiel didn’t seem to favor one and in fact, talked to them as a collective group calling them all ‘ladies’ instead of by their individual names. Cas had once told Dean this was so he wouldn’t hurt any of the girls feelings if he had gotten a name wrong or said the wrong name during intercourse. At the time, Dean had laughed and called this tactic, “classy.”

But now, watching them all come out and hug and kiss Cas their goodbyes, Dean felt something else. Jealousy maybe?

Castiel said one more parting word to the girls and they all giggled and skipped off. As Cas watched after them, his gaze followed until his blue eyes landed on Dean who was staring at him. No longer shuffling the papers in his hand and caught, Dean’s brain panicked. Somehow on auto pilot his body chose the correct response.

Dean gave him a slight nod with his head as a silent “hey.” As a response, Cas straightened his body and gave him a full salute. Dean hated when he did that, but the action caused some type of morbid humor in Castiel, as did calling him their “fearless leader” as if it were some kind of title. After bursting into laughter, Cas disappeared back into his Cabin and Dean stayed looking and unmoving for several seconds before realizing that again, he was openly gaping at the cabin.

Dean sighed heavily and turned on his heel, ready to find Chuck and to try to forget about Castiel. At least so he could try and get some work done. He could handle that right? He swallowed hard realizing he doubted it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where we learn who Jane is. (Risa's gonna be pissed after the next chapter...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 is coming. It's the sexy Destiel chapter. I just had to throw this in to work up to it..

Dean had just gotten back to his desk after breakfast when he heard the giggling start in the next room. He could only guess what that meant. He rolled his eyes and looked over the papers that were waiting for him and tried to ignore it.

The government was still trying to fence up contaminated areas in order to contain the virus. The cities and towns had curfews but recently more and more people were being evacuated to camps, much like the one Dean was in.

Bobby had managed to forge some paperwork for him when that began, giving him the false identity of having served in the army. It wasn't enough to allow him to run the camps under normal circumstances, but being shorthanded given the drastic situation that was spreading much to quickly, Dean managed to lie and was able to show enough knowledge of the virus that they quickly gave him the position. It was luck that they didn't check into him. Or perhaps by the time they did, it was too easy to overlook, considering he was complying reasonably and keeping the camp running. Whichever the truth was, Dean was happy to have the position. It kept him in the know with everything that was going on. Even if it was becoming more and more obvious as time went on that the military wasn't getting jack done to actually stop the virus completely. And probably never would.

"C'mon. You know you want to." A female voice said, followed by more giggling. Despite all the shit that was going down, people were still people. End of the world, living and breathing, horny people.

"I'm... Not really..." Dean rolled his eyes. They were inviting Chuck now. He could practically imagine the man fidgeting and blushing. "N-no thank you." He stammered out. Footsteps followed until a door opened and they walked out. The second the door clattered closed there was more giggling.

"Shouldn't you girls be making yourselves more useful instead of bothering people?" A female voice Dean recognized easily asked. "Pick up a gun, learn to shoot it. At least help count inventory for God sakes." The giggling didn't stop to even acknowledge the woman and Dean heard Risa's frustrated, heavy footsteps follow after Chuck.

Dean stood and walked to the doorway, standing with his back against the frame and arms crossed on his chest. Two of the three girls saw him and immediately stopped laughing. The other looked up and only seemed to laugh harder. They were the same three girls from Cas' cabin this morning.

"Sorry. We were just going." The more serious brunette in the back said, already starting for the door.

"Don't be rude," the other said through laughter still. "It would be nice of us to ask him. He is our fearless leader after all."

Dean stared at her with his teeth clenched some. He wasn't sure if he hated her words because that stupid nickname was catching on or because they came from a mouth that wasn't Cas', as if he was the butt of some joke during an orgy.

"There's a party tonight. And you are definitely invited," she said, taking a step forward toward Dean as if trying to seduce him right there on the spot.

Dean looked at the girl, trying not to roll his eyes. "Jane, right?" he asked flatly. She smiled brightly at that while the two girls behind her stayed quiet.

"At your service," she answered casually holding the smile. Dean would have laughed out loud at that in another life. One before the world turned dark and more fucked up than he ever could have dreamed it. Dean didn't think the word service was in Jane's vocabulary. In the few months she had been at the camp she hadn't lifted a finger to help out. He didn't trust her to help with supply counts, much less any type of security. She was too happy, too high too often and participating in orgies with Cas. The last part bothered him way more than he wanted it to.

The silence between them as they stared at each other, her with her annoying smirk and him with his jaw set like at any minute he would take aim and shoot, made the two observers squirm uncomfortably until one finally took Jane by the arm and pulled her toward the door. "See you tonight then?" she called back looking over her shoulder at Dean.

He scowled, mumbling a "don't hold your breath," that he wasn't sure she heard and headed back to his paper work, attempting to bury himself in it. And if he could have stopped thinking about orgies and Cas and Jane plus two walking out of his cabin this morning, he might have been successful.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't hard to find out where the party was. Music was blaring and there was a lot more chatter coming from the opposite end of camp. It wasn't dark out yet but it was getting later and pretty soon the sun would be tucked away to bring out the stars. Dean hadn't gotten much accomplished before the music started but after he kept looking out the window at the people who strolled over to the party cabin to hang out. These things happened a couple of times a month. Alcohol was consumed. Drugs were taken. Fun was had. It was one of the few things that people looked forward to anymore. Not having to think about the looming death that was all around them and taking over the Earth. Dean hardly blamed them and often encouraged it. Minus the drugs and even the sex part ever since that case of syphilis went around camp and ate into their penicillin supply. 

Besides that, it's not like he had time to bullshit around. Back before the virus he could afford to get stuff done and have a good time. But that wasn't the case here. He had secured the position and people actually knew who he was. They depended on him. So he swore off fun for the most part despite Cas' pleading to loosen up and relax. Dean still drank like a mother fucker but more often than not, that was alone. Other times he was with Cas. And on nights when he craved something more he had a fucked up relationship (and he hated calling it that) with Risa. In Dean's mind it was a way to stay sane and relieve some of the tension. Just enough that he could jump back to work the next day and pretend like he didn't have to put a gun to a man's head that he knew because they were out on a supply run and the dumb son of a bitch slipped and got himself turned. Being with Risa was a survival technique for himself. She knew that she was being used but part of her still wanted to believe in something good. That maybe Dean fucking Winchester and her could share a love that she remembered from a time before The End. She never said as much but the truth was in her eyes every time she told him he could stay the night after they were done having sex. Dean never did. And the nights when she had enough of being hurt herself and tried to turn him away, Dean would tell her that he needed her. That they had a connection. She knew he was a broken man and thought maybe one day she could fix him. For now, though, her only current peace of mind regarding the matter was that at least he wasn't spending the night in anyone else's cabin and in that way she had him all to herself.

He made a face just thinking about it. He really hated himself for being weak and needing anyone that way. Cas always told him not to beat himself up about it. He chewed his lip as his mind switched gears to the fallen angel. How fucked was he. He couldn't even bring himself to be around the guy today because of his stupid needy feelings. He pushed a hand through his hair as he gazed out the window wondering if he would see Cas head toward the party cabin eventually. He'd probably be on something and way too happy and he didn't even want to think of what else would go on. Who he would end up kissing. He felt a knot in his stomach at the thought.

"I'm going to turn in for the night," Chuck said with a yawn. "Tomorrow I'm on early morning patrol." 

Dean snapped his attention away from the window at the sound of his voice and gave a nod. "Yeah. I'm wrapping stuff up too. Thanks for your help."

Chuck gave a small laugh with his smile. "Yeah. I mean it's the least since you're keeping us all safe. I mean... you're the only one who knows what they're really doing. We're all alive because of you."

Dean sighed. Chuck knew he was carrying a lot of guilt and the guy was always trying to give him a pass and tell him they were lucky to have him. But Dean knew the truth. They were all here in this situation because of him. And nothing that anyone said would change that. "G'night, Chuck." He said and waited 'till he was out of the cabin before pulling out a bottle of whiskey he kept in his desk.

He was three glasses in and it was dark out now, the music still loud and the cabin still full of activity. He downed his drink before walking out and locking up the supply cabin. He was far from tipsy but feeling a bit better with the alcohol inside of him. That's probably the reason why he took the long way back to his own cabin. Straight passed the party. Why the fuck not. He didn't want to go in. He just wanted to see him again. God he felt like a freakin' girl for being completely out of control with his emotions. He tried to seem disinterested as he approached people that were hanging around outside with drinks in hand. With no sign of Cas' from the small glances he was giving the place he was ready to pick up the pace and head.

"I didn't know you were coming here tonight. Or ever for that matter." Dean stopped and closed his eyes. _Shit._ He turned around to see blue eyes and an amused grin as Cas tried to figure out exactly what would bring Dean here on this night of all nights when he hadn't been found anywhere near one of these kick back things. Dean glanced away as if his face alone would give away any of the feelings that were hiding just below the surface.

"I'm not staying, Cas. Just going home. Okay?"

Cas shook his head defiantly. "Oh no your not." Cas walked up to him so he was right in his face and forced Dean to look at him. The stupid grin was still on his face and made Dean absolutely crazy inside. "I've been telling you to cut loose for forever. I am _not_ going to waste the opportunity of our Fearless Leader having some fun." He told him quietly so no one but Dean would hear him. With that he turned away practically tugging Dean toward the cabin behind him. Dean found his feet following helplessly as he rolled his eyes for show. 

"Just one drink and then I'm gone. I've got shit to do, Cas," he complained staying close at Cas' heels. For a minute he felt like a damn teenager with a crush at a high school party. The urge to tell Cas to leave him the fuck alone so he could get back to work and lean closer to him was absolutely idiotic. He never asked to feel this way about the damn guy. What the hell was wrong with him?

Cas tugged him in the house and twirled him around so Dean was in front. He put his hands on his Dean's hips to lightly push and guide him through the crowd of people toward the drinks. "What's the hurry! Chuck has morning shift, not you." He said with a laugh. 

"Yeah, okay, jesus." Dean finally gave in. Maybe he could do this. Hang out with his friend and be normally even though things were definitely not normal. Maybe he could just take it easy and things would go back to the way they were and this would pass. Whatever _this_ happened to be.

"There you are!" A woman's voice cut through the crowd that made Dean stop and Cas bump into him. Jane walked over and kissed Cas on the mouth. Only a peck but definitely in his personal fucking space. Dean felt a stab of something at his heart that he imminently recognized as jealousy. She turned slightly and finally saw Dean and almost spit out her drink at the shock of seeing him here. "I never would have thought you'd actually come." She said with a laugh.

Before he could turn and exit, Cas was pressing a drink into Dean's hand pushing him down into a fucking bean bag chair of all things and making Dean wish he could just fucking teleport away. "Cas talks about you so much." Jane continued, only making him feel more comfortable. "I know that you don't have the stick up your ass everyone else seems to think you were born with based off his stories about you. But hey, we were all someone different before the world went to hell, huh?" She slipped an arm around Cas and the two smiled at each other before looking back at him.

Dean wanted to absolutely fucking die.


End file.
